As Promised....
Hello my wonderful family! It is my day off and as promised, I am writing a post. I would like to start with telling you all how excited I am for what God is doing in my life right now. I am surrounded by wonderful people here at camp and the community is pretty incredible, I'm not gonna lie. I have been hanging out with Derek (K2) and Tyler (K4) a lot! It is has been so good to hear stories from other Kaleos and the connection that we automatically have is incredible. We just finished family retreat and God was moving. God was very present this weekend and there was a lot of opportunity for the staff to share the gospel not only the kids, but with the non-believing parents. After this weekend, I am so stoked to see what God is going to be doing this summer in the lives of not only the kids, but the staff team. This past weekend, I also got a taste of what my summer with the Bayley's is gonna be like. I think that I am going to need a lot of prayer and the only way that I will make it through this summer is on Christ's strength. Those three children are very exhausting and very different so it is very difficult to keep them all happy and not fighting. I am confident that I was placed here for a reason though and I am trusting God in this. Even though it may seem impossible for me to make it through sometimes, God has a bigger plan and he knows what he is doing. I am holding onto that truth very tightly.
Something that has been going on in my heart lately is my heart. I won't get into too much detail but, I am very worried about the state of my heart right now. I want to keep it. I don't want to give it to anyone, I feel like I am the only one who can keep it safe. But I know that I can't do it. I know that the safest place for my heart is in God's hands. But to give it fully to God, I need to let myself give it up. I know that to protect my heart, God needs all of it and that scares me to let it go. So if you could pray for my heart and the protection of my heart, that would be great.
That's where I am at right now, excited and scared all at the same time.
Oh, one more thing...I know that I never really talked about my older sister, but she has placed herself in AA and detox things...I don't really know...but this isn't the first time that she has done something like this. She does this sometimes twice a year and then falls right back into her old way of life. Please keep Rebecca in your prayers when you pray for me. She breaks my heart and she is so lost...I can't pick up her pieces anymore and it's very hard for both of us to realize that I can't fix everything anymore and that I never really could. We both have been learning some hard truths and there are a lot of hard feelings between us because I can't provide for her the way that she needs. She relies on me and I can't do it....I am not strong enough to continue to carry her through this...I'm gonna break. Please please just pray for both of us.
I love you all and I miss you oh so much. I pray for you all often and think of you as well.
Trusting Jess
Something that has been going on in my heart lately is my heart. I won't get into too much detail but, I am very worried about the state of my heart right now. I want to keep it. I don't want to give it to anyone, I feel like I am the only one who can keep it safe. But I know that I can't do it. I know that the safest place for my heart is in God's hands. But to give it fully to God, I need to let myself give it up. I know that to protect my heart, God needs all of it and that scares me to let it go. So if you could pray for my heart and the protection of my heart, that would be great.
That's where I am at right now, excited and scared all at the same time.
Oh, one more thing...I know that I never really talked about my older sister, but she has placed herself in AA and detox things...I don't really know...but this isn't the first time that she has done something like this. She does this sometimes twice a year and then falls right back into her old way of life. Please keep Rebecca in your prayers when you pray for me. She breaks my heart and she is so lost...I can't pick up her pieces anymore and it's very hard for both of us to realize that I can't fix everything anymore and that I never really could. We both have been learning some hard truths and there are a lot of hard feelings between us because I can't provide for her the way that she needs. She relies on me and I can't do it....I am not strong enough to continue to carry her through this...I'm gonna break. Please please just pray for both of us.
I love you all and I miss you oh so much. I pray for you all often and think of you as well.
Trusting Jess
posted by Jessica! at 10:57 AM
3 Comments:
Jess, I'm so stoked to see you with the Bayley kids, in all reality, I'm sure you are the right one for this job. Also if you ever need to talk I really want to. (In other words, lets talk some time) I feel like there's been a rift between us since the end of Kaleo and I don't like it.
Jess!!! I miss you, and it's so good to hear about what's going on with you!!! I'm praying for you, and will be praying for you sis Rebecca as well. Phil. 1:3
Jess!! Don't let yourself get discouraged with the Bayleys, they're a handful but God has prepared you for this position and I'm pretty sure we all know that you're meant to be with them. Make sure you get time away by yourself...even though camp is awesome and it's sweet to be around everyone take some time out to sort out what's going on in your heart and what's holding you back. I've found for myself I have to slow down and think things through before I give them up...might help! See ya soon
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