drumroll please...

hey y'all! (no, I'm actually not a southerner, I just like to pretend I am...)

It's taken me a while to find the time to drop you guys a note on this here thing... but here I am! My name is Ellie Crocker (yes, like Betty), and I'm the one on the right in the photo. I'm currently living on Saltspring Island (just a ferry ride away from Crofton, where Qwanoes is) and this summer I've been spending most of my time about 5 minutes down the road from Qwanoes, since my boyfriend lives really close to the camp. So, needless to say, Qwanoes won't be completely new territory for me, unlike a few of you who are coming from the other side of the country! (I feel for you guys...) However, even though I won't be far from home during Kaleo, my decision to apply was definitely not an easy one to make...

A few months ago, I thought I had my future planned out perfectly... I was going to attend Malaspina University-College (about an hour away from where I lived at the time) and work on getting my Bachelor of Arts, and possibly majoring in English or something. I absolutely LOVE to write, so I really wanted to pursue that, and then possibly move on to get my Bachelor of Education to become a teacher. Well, isn't it funny when God decides to sledge-hammer your plans? To make a long story short, through a series of events, I realized that going to Malaspina right after graduating high school wasn't the path I wanted to take, and that I wanted to take a year (or perhaps more... we'll see) to just grow in my faith, get to know Jesus better, and to focus on building friendships with people... getting out of my comfort zone... and also, I just really love and have a passion for Biblical studies. In grade 11 and 12, my Bible/Christian perspectives classes were my favorite... I can't even put my finger on why that is, but I know that its there and that I need to honour the passions that God has put inside of me. So, I went through a few days of confusion and aimlessness once I decided that Malaspina wasn't where I was supposed to be, until one morning when the thought of Kaleo popped into my head... and it just made sense. I should point out that I am an absolute control freak, and panic when I can't see the outcome of something, so choosing this path was a HUGE leap. So, with absolutely no plans for life after Kaleo... I'm walking by faith... and loving it (even though my stomach is knotted up...:) )

Now that I've outlined how God lead me to Kaleo, I suppose I should tell you all the beginning of the story... that is, my faith story. I didn't grow up in a particularly Christian family, even though my parents believed in God, so, to my sister (she's 14 now) and I, God was a far-away idea who didn't really concern us too much. The summer after grade eight, my friends invited me to Bible camp (although they didn't let me in on the Bible part, haha), so I went, a seed was planted, I prayed the salvation prayer.... all that good stuff... but then, went back to school in the fall, and let it all go. I was so lost, looking to guys for validation and getting too attached to them emotionally... was hurt quite a few times... I went back to camp that summer, completely heartbroken, looking for any way to escape from the pain... and things were different. I think that because I knew I had nothing left to lean on, I was able to take God seriously and look to Him for the love I was searching for. Throughout this time, I prayed a lot for my family, and that a desire would be planted in them to go to church too... and God answered that prayer... it's really beautiful how it all worked out, actually. We began going to the church I'm currently attending a few years ago at Christmastime, and have been going there ever since. A little while after that, my parents transferred us from public school to the Christian school... definitely a good move...

That all sounds fine and dandy, but my faith walk has been anything but easy for the last year or so... I began to face really intense intellectual doubt, cynicism about Christianity... it was like my heart shriveled up, and I became really depressed... I just couldn't see anymore. I was able to take a step back, and look at what it was that I had supposedly given my life to... this 'thing' called Christianity, this 'person' called Jesus...

I didn’t know who to turn to… I was scared of turning to God, of taking that leap of faith, risking being wrong… so I just closed myself off. From faith, from people… from God. My entire life was tied up in ‘churchy’ type stuff… if I had turned away and left faith completely, I would have had to try to rebuild my life all over again… so for whatever reason, I hung around. I was bitter about it, but I stayed. I fought it hard, but little did I know, God was moving in me in ways that I couldn’t even see. The weirdest things started happening… I started to realize my brokenness, and gradually, the whole God thing started just making sense, and I became aware of how my heart was longing for His hope and life the entire time. The choice was not clear-cut, it was just like a revelation, a realization that I couldn’t deny. The best was to describe it is to say it was like I woke up. It gives a whole new meaning to the line from Amazing Grace... 'I once was blind, but now I see...'

Of course, none of our stories ever end, so I could go on and on forever... but it will have to wait until Kaleo actually starts! Seriously, I cannot wait until September comes, I can't to meet all of you! Yay!! Sorry this post is really long, I tend to blabber on a lot... I can be a bit long-winded :)

'It is for freedom that Christ has set us free...'

In freedom,

Ellie